Superman Doing his Taxes

My writing class recently had a fun assignment - “Write about a well known fictional character doing something mundane.” My take was what if Batman had to do his taxes?

The Dark Knight sits as he itemizes.

Our hero in black had finances that were deeply under attack.

Sweat drips down him in his costume, worse than any caused by the Joker or Two Face.

Bat-arangs…deduction.

Smoke bombs…deduction.

Batsuit…deduction.

Bat cave property taxes…deduction.

Justice League professional dues…deduction

Gotham’s Guardian wonders does he have to depreciate the Batmobile as a capital expense, or

does its frequent explosion mean it can be fully expensed in a single year as a write off.

He dreams his bat-alarm would go off, calling him to save the city from a chemical weapon

attack by the Scarecrow, or maybe Harley Quinn will rob a bank….anything.

The sweat continues to pour off of him, worse than that time Catwoman had him hanging off a

building precipitously about to fall to his doom.

Surely the IRS will agree that the bat signal is a marketing expense?

Does Bane snapping his L4 count as a chiropractor visit?

Medical bill’s from the Joker’s acid attack…..worker’s comp?

While the Caped Crusader stresses and strains over his 1040, crime rages across Gotham for all

know on April 14, Batman fights a foe far scarier than they.

Richard Grayson, an employee or a dependent…. obviously a dependent allowing him to claim

the child tax credit.

Alfred, alas an employee, not a dependent. Title….indentured servant paid in loyalty with a $0

salary, freeing Batman from the injustice of paying Gotham city employment taxes.

Batman hovers his pen over the form’s final question - occupation. Will writing Professional

Vigilante raise red flags? He hastily writes Urban Risk Mitigation Consultant.

Our hero seals the envelope with the same grim determination used to lock away the Riddler.

He has saved the city a thousand times, but tonight, the Dark Knight is just a man terrified of an

audit.

(Post written the old fashioned way - via human. No AI used in this writing)